I honestly haven’t felt this sad in months. I was doing so good then it all came crashing down. I juggle too many things to avoid being home and dwell on my own internal issues. I’d much rather help someone else with their own problems than to bring up my own because I am so completely embarrassed of what I feel all the time. Dancing has become such a positive outlet for me and I’m working so hard but still don’t feel good enough. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t keep drinking over it either. But I feel so alone and that’s all my fault for shutting people out who try to care for me. I just wish they understood how hard it is for me to trust someone with everything when the main people I put so much time, love, and trust in just walked out on me. I have no one to blame but what am I to do. I can’t keep pretending. and god this sounds like a pity party but it’s my only place to vent anymore. 

I just need a sign that everything is going to be okay.